A Short and Dumpy Tale

Hmmm why am I doing this. Who in their right mind would want to cast an eye over my ramblings.
My name is Sarah, I am rather short, and a whole lot of rather dumpy.
Why am I blogging.. oohh I don't think I have ever written that word before, or should it be typed I suppose?.I still do not truly know its meaning.

A few facts will make themselves clear as my 'Blogging' (oohh there it is again) progresses. Fact One: I can not spell. My grammar WILL be terrible. (How hideous is it that I had to spell check the word 'grammar') Fact Two: My brain works slightly faster than my fingers, so if I am excited, angered or just typing oe handed as I glug a glass of wine, many words may turn out like this... hty shuubt ! Fact Three: I waffle, randomly jumping subjects.

So that out of the way, and if you can forgive me for it, lets get 'Blogging' (I am sorry, the novelty of the word will wear thin soon, I promise.)

So, why am I here.
I think this is a little like a diary for me, a way to record the person I am today, and the person I may grow to be. I don't especially believe anyone would be in the slightest little bit interested in my waffle, rambles and day to day me-ness. However, I hope to learn a little about myself, and keep possibly inspiring me, I hope I could maybe help someone too.

I am fat! No I don't mean I am a pretty girl with a low self esteem, or a girl that desires someone to say 'Oh no you aren't'. I am fat. I do not always have low self esteem, sometimes I actually think I am beautiful and sexy and can light up a room, others times I want to stay in my bedclothes all day, not put make up on and grumble in self loathing.

When I jump up and down on the spot, not only do my wobbly bits give me a round of applause, they enjoy the jiggle so much that they keep on going!

When my image does get captured in a camera, which is rather rare, I prefer to work on the principle of being the one to take the photos, either that or make out I follow a tribal religion that believes if I have my photo taken it will steal my soul. Where was I :) oh yes, when my dumpy form is captured on film, I can never see what others do. To me, my eyes zone in on the chin, the belly, the piggy silt eyes if I am smiling. People can say 'Aw that's a lovely picture of you!' To me, its truly disgusting. Disgusting to me as I see myself as a stranger would. I see the big girl.

Give me a camera and I can take a self photo of myself that I am happy with. How? because I will only take it showing my face, decapitating myself from my body.

Here lies the reason for this Blog. I no longer want to be 'The girl with a pretty face'.

I wish I was one of those people that were fat because they ate and enjoy food. I don't. No I won't give you the 'its my hormones' 'I have a thyroid issuse, that no blood can test show up'. I won't say I don't eat bad things while secretly stuffing a cake slice down my throat, crumbs spluttering out in the lie.

What I will say is 'I don't move enough'. I don't I know I don't. Some days I admit, I think I have probably stayed still in one position for over eight hours! I know this is my downfall. This is the force behind this.

Recently I completed an amazing personal challenge. I swam the distance of the English Channel in just over thirty swimming days. (I won't bore you with it but the details and my first 'blog' I suppose is on this link http://www.justgiving.com/swim-the-channel-challenge-for-St-Gemmas-Hospice)

When I set out to start the swim challenge, I think I knew within myself that it was more than possible, but looking at where I was probably thought it would take an immense kick up my behind. I needed a change not only for me physically but mentally, and the idea of helping other people gave me such a drive to motivate me to move my curvy backside.

I remember sitting down to write the charity giving page, the evening of a 'trial' swim and thinking should I set myself more lengths or go for an easier achievable goal. Well, believe it or not setting my daily target at 14 to 18 lengths was a challenge, I gave myself thirty minutes and I needed every single second of those, looking back, it seems an age ago. Hard to believe before the 'trial' swim, I had not dipped one foot into a swimming pool for over ermmmm oooo a long time.

As the days passed, I began to feel my body and squishy muscles growing stronger, allowing me to move faster in the water (not leaner though mores the pity ), I found myself staying in the pool, a little longer every day, until I had noticed I wanted to be in there for an hour. Thirty minutes wasn't enough, I had found I grew to like the ache I got in my muscles, and it was wearing off. It was time to make the decision of an easy life, or of pushing ahead to achieve more. I decided I wanted the aches to remind me of the good I was doing for my own well being, but also of those at St Gemmas. No one would know I could do more, or the lengths were becoming easier, but I knew, and so it was an easy choice to decide to swim for an hour a day opposed to thirty minutes.

It was thanks the people that placed faith in me, it truly was one of the reasons I looked forward to my swim everyday. I found I did not need any more motivation, I wanted to achieve and it made me proud of myself. Truly the support touched me in a way I didn't think it could. People had a belief in me.

What it taught me was I love moving, I love the feeling of my body changing and most importantly, I started to see myself as others did. Not like the photos, but as someone that could change a life. My own.

It also taught me I needed to have motivation from within, not just through the support of others. Why? Because after completing the challenge, I have stopped moving as much as I should.

So The Short and Dumpy Tale begins. This is a story tracing my journey from Short and Dumpy to just Short. The story will unfold itself with who knows what twists and turns, the ending is not written yet, nor the action packed middle. The is the beginning. Please join me on it if you wish. Let's hope the narrator improves.
Be prepared for a rather long winded wordy few Chapters. This tale will need to be a long one.

So here I sit, waffle completed, scribbling (can you scribble on a net lap knee top inerweb book thing?). I proudly completed an exercise plan, factoring in workouts from 'The Firm' (whom I already adore if only for the fact I feel like part of an exercise Mafia.) The Couch to 5k running plan and retained two swimming days a week to unwind.

I admit I secretly know its too much over to many days, but I need this. To rest might help repair and rebuild my muscles, however to pause would mean the internal battle of wills between my motivation and my inner defeatist, a destructive war would rage. There would be casualties. Things thrown and feet stamped.

So here we are, looking towards the first paragraph of Chapter One.....

S xx