Sorry..... Self confidence has yet to extend to full length.
So here is my Rocky running montage.(Cue the humming of 'Eye of the Tiger'). Ohh yesssss thats right I have a 'Hoodie'! With the obligatory decapitated floating head shots. Stinky trainers and a view of my 'treadmill'.
I'm not putting these here for the compliments hehehe not sure I would get any, but to hopefully show that although sometimes I do feel beautiful, it tends to be only when I stand on tip toes and peer into a tiny mirror. Sure other times I might dance about in bra and pants in front of the window feeling womanly and sexy, but I still decapitate myself in photos. I feel pretty right now, but tomorrow when I am puffing and sweating around my jogging path I will feel like a size zero being protected by seven fluffy feather pillows strapped around me as protective packaging!
SO HERE IT IS.... soul laid bare...
I think this is probably the hardest thing I have done in a while.
I find that when I look back at who I was, and to rather large extent, who I still am.. there is a protective side of me, a part of me that wants so dearly to wrap my arms around the girl I was and say... 'you are beautiful, from the bones out, you are intellegent and loving and sexy, and have so much ahead of you.'
But we cannot do that, we cannot go back to our old selves and promise that things will get better in time. we cannot dry the tears, or lead them by the hand ensuring they turn their back on heartaches. ... I wish I could of whispered into that 'fat girls' ear that one day she would experience the soft touch of a kiss from a man that loved her deeply enough to know if she was smiling, or hurting from miles away.That she would love more deeply than she could imagine, even if fleetingly. That she would have to turn her phone off to escape men texting her wanting a 'drink'. Maybe she could of whispered back telling me to try to forget her, for she is still very much a part of me now. self destructive and insecure.
Living as a FAT woman now, is nothing comapred to the road all we heavy plump lumpy ladies and and gentlemen of loveliness have to walk before we accept ourselves.
Even now, while I debate whether to share this photo with you all those odd insecurities rise from the ashes.
My journey to Va VA Voom started many years ago, and I am more than certain it will take many more.
So here, laying my heart bare to you, and to myself, as I need too.... please meet your Short and Dumpy One, 'Then, Now and After' .... the frame will remain blank for the after.. that's a path I still haven't found my way on yet.
PROGRESS wooooohoooo oooo
Tape measure being kissed for luck..
Two weeks in from the first measurements, (27th May) today from exercise alone.. This Short and Dumpy Lady is becoming The Incredible Shrinking Woman!
Upper Thigh = loss of an inch!
Calf = loss of three quarters of an inch
Tummy (belly and hips) = loss of an inch and a half
Waist = gained an inch .. pure muscle hehehe either that or my war wound from to vigrous exercise wearing an underwire has made it swell slightly
Back = loss of half an inch
If I grimace and gurn you can, ever so slightly!
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