Mirror, Mirror On The Wall, Who Is the Dumpiest of Them All? ….

Sometimes being on a diet causes us to walk head down, as we enter the bathroom refusing steadfast to greet the eye of the fatty in the mirror. All focus fixated on that damn scale display as we weigh ourselves for the third or fourth time that day. …

Come now, don’t you be denying it!

The little jig the foot shuffle as we kick and wriggle our toes from our shoes, AND THE BIG EXHALE OF THE HELD BREATH, WHEN WE SUDDENLY REALISE WE WERE HOLDING IT IN.. AS IF THAT LUNG FULL OF AIR MIGHT BE ALL IT NEEDS TO TIP THE SCALE OVER THAT HALF A POUND!

This was the reason that I refused to have a set of scales. (I could try the kitchen scales but I foresee a slight flaw in that plan) As I have waffled to you previously, I want any change to be measured or reflected in the mirror, or within myself, and the waist band of my jeans.

Tonight I spent some personal one on one time with my mirror! (why does that sound so perverse, I am sorry hehehe)

I caught myself as I performed the habitual ‘suck’, an attempt to shed a few virtual pounds to deceive myself, squeezing my belly button back into my spine.(All this sucking it in really... well... sucks! )

STOP IT! STOP IT STOP IT SILLY WOMAN!

And so, after a stern telling off to my reflection, exhale and let the wobble be free.

Let’s appraise the goods…..

The very tops of my inner thighs remain star-crossed lovers, and they still re-enact the moving scene of being at long last reunited for a long, passionate kiss.

Words like “Ruben-esque,” “voluptuous,” and “bodacious” ‘’pleasing plump’’ all spring defensively into my vocabulary.

NO ADMIT IT OBESE!

This Short and Dumpy One is prone to spending most of my time avoiding prolonged self-scrutiny in the mirror.
I am most certainly not about to start using the hand-helds so I can get a more accurate look at my all-too-obvious wobbly flaws from all angles….

So tonight I was out of my comfort zone. To appraise and gaze at myself in order to see a change….a difference brought about by stretching my muscles into submission….


Excitingly I DO ! I see it, I keep stroking it! My gaze lingers at the new improved, wholly more kissable region. My neck… and the very top curve of my shoulders… THERE’S LESS OF IT!

Now, I admit - the bra straps should be a giveaway but I honestly was thinking I had stretched the fabric during the recent bouncing boob wrangling.


My back and shoulders always haunted me, they have an evil stalkerish habit of creeping up on me from behind ( lol sorry that was terrible wasn’t it) My shoulders had got closer to my skull steadily over the years of being fat..

It seriously is akin to being attacked from behind. It is an area I could fool myself into forgetting…my main attention centring on the parts I can see on a daily basis. Or the bits that need to be crammed into my ever-shrinking jeans and trousers……

That was until my sister snapped a spontaneous photo of the clan over Christmas dinner last year. My cheeks hampster esque as they were caught in a mid smile, mid chew, my head turned half to the camera, Quasimodo-esque lumps plumping out of my floaty shirt…Layered rolls, tumbling, cascading. Displaced skin. Pudge with nowhere to go but out. Shoulder blade cushion. Armpit stash. Ooohoo MY !! Ohh nooooooo my first introduction to MY shoulder and back Fat.
(I will upload that photo in time. I promise.)

As I do a little excited twirl around the bathroom, trying to catch a glimpse of my back in the mirror, stupidly forgetting I am not an owl with 280% degree vision, I am smiling a rather smug inane grin!

By no means can I see the collar bones, I am no where near elfin neck perfection, the change may only be mere millimetres…. BUT THERES A CHANGE!

A change has occurred through the actions that I had made!

Cue smug happy proud of herself Dumpy lady….. Now where was I ? ahhhhh time to return my attention back to being focused on they wobbly wibbly jelly belly, sprawling thighs, and bulging behind.

Mirror, mirror on the wall who is the Dumpiest One of All?

For once, or maybe at least for just tonight I am comfortable with my tummy, no suckage required because that wobbly jiggly belly is on its way OUT! Slowly, ever so slowly, but for certain.